What do you think of my story?

"You鈥檙e having me institutionalized?" I sputtered.



The dew of a foggy Monday morning gathered on the chipped window sills. A small Brown Recluse pirouetted a harmonized web that glistened. Living in the marrow of Astoria, Maine the vaporous weather conditions were to be expected.



"You should be grateful for this gratifying opportunity." The stout matron said with a distinctive edge that was always carried threw out her words.



"Do I get a mere say in this? I could hear an acute whine in my own voice.



This was just not comprehendible. I seldom talk back to the housekeepers who worked at this orphanage, like most of the girls here did. I always did as I was told. The only dishonorable thing I had done is swindle various sustenance from the kitchen with my mate 脡ponine here and there. I highly doubt this matron had learned that.



"Absolutely not, the man from Mclean Facilities will be here to evaluate by noonday." She said this with the up most casualties. Thinking that we were done discussing this topic she returned to the mysterious papers on her writing desk.



"But Madame, I do not understand. Why me of all young ladies that live here?" I asked her, so certain this was all a mistake.



"To be frank my dear, it is all a game of chance of who goes where in this dwelling. We try to send most to good academies or in your case asylums. Some go to work as help for the wealthiest families. The others who seem to be as dumb as dirt we send to the local whore house."



I nearly laughed. She had to be jesting. Though, the matron would never jest. It could not be true, could it? If it was then what would become of my precious 脡ponine? What did fate hold in her forthcoming? Sudden musings raced threw my feeble mind. Woe, to the girls who were destined to become of nothing!



"Constance will fetch you when you are needed." She said, hinting at her longing of my dismissal. I stood with what felt like numbness. I surprised myself by being able to walk properly out the copious, wooden door.



The sounds of my shuffling feet were the only thing that entered the long corridor. I was too stunned to be aware of anything around me. I simply made it into my assigned bunk and layed down in a daze of my own thoughts.



"Please educate, Louise, what did the head matron say to make you so confound?" 脡ponine, as pretty as a romantic, spring day asked me. She looked blissful, unknowing of her fortune.



"They are sending me away." I said, my throat was clogged and I could feel moisture forming in my slate grey eyes.



脡ponine gasped.



"Oh, Louise!" She cried out. "How I will miss you, terribly! Like a sister you are to me!"



We embraced. I never did want to let go. The last time I would smell her sweet musk. My best friend and I wept in each others arms. Us, both knowing that we may not see each other again. Though she only knew the half of the monstrosity to come. For she, might face something much, much worse.



"I was saving the last of our Butter Rum for Georgina's birthday on Wednesday but I think this affair is more appropriate to drink it on." 脡ponine sobbed, whispering all this in ear for we had not stopped holding each other and did not want Constance, the matron's assistant to hear.



We had taken a full bottle of rum from the Headmistresses cabinet last thanksgiving. Of course, she had not noticed. For her cabinets were overflowing with every brown liquid you could imagine.





脡ponine and I formed a half circle on my bunk, as to avoid the wandering eye of Constance. I downed most of what was left in the oddly shaped bottle. The burning juice stinging my throat in an oh, so pleasurable way.



"Leave some for me, won't you?" 脡ponine said, laughing gaily as she did so. I laughed with her for my head was getting light and I wanted to enjoy the last few twinklings of our cherished friendship.



I handed her the urn. She gulped down almost all, leaving a scarce amount for me to finish.

In minutes the canister was completely empty. We were good at desolating spirits.



"You mean the world to me and so much more!" I slurred at 脡ponine. She nodded and once again we were blubbering in each others grasp. How pathetic we must have looked, but understandable for what a sad day in mourning it was.



"Louise, I love you so, I want you to have this to keep forever." She untied a satin white ribbon from her silky raven hair letting it fall loosely to her shoulders. Her tear stained face seemed to reflect my pain and her sea green eyes held my gaze.



"I shall savor this to my death." I whimpered in a hush tone. My stomach was disagreeing with the rum but I was too forlorn to care. I held my wrist out to 脡ponine and she securely tied the ribbon around me. Sealing the perfect looking bow she had made with a kiss and a tear. The lovely gift looked so fitting on me.



"What am I to do without you?" 脡ponine asked. I dreaded telling her of the distWhat do you think of my story?
too affected

institutionalised is when you're not able to live independent of an institution, in the real world, honey we call it sectioned.



you have some cool ideas but be more honest; stop trying to write how you think you should write. maintain the good grammar you have and check up on the meanings of words.What do you think of my story?
I really like your story, and from what I've read now, I'm anticipating what will happen next. Even though the english is not something I'm used to, I still enjoyed and understood it. I love the wide range of vocabulary and diction. I think you should definitely continue with this story. I also love love the name Eponine. Good luck with the rest of it. I'd love to hear more. From reading this page, the story is already gripping, and leaves people desperate for the answers of the many questions you've left. Have fun writing and don't give up.What do you think of my story?
It sounds really really good so far. I like the idea for sure, and you were certainly able to hook me. You'll be able to do so with future readers. I can tell this will be a story people have a hard time putting down. Good luck with it!!
An interesting tale in the line of Copperfield. Your first sentence is a very strong hook that grabs the readers attention form the start.



You do use some pretty expensive words. I had to look many of them up. You may want to use more common descriptors so as to not confuse your readers. Also I am not sure you know what a couple of the words means, for instance,



copious means plentiful. So when you say copious wooden door you are saying plentiful wooden door.



If you would like, I can give you more detailed suggestions.