College Essay question?

I'm writing an essay for my college application. The essay needs to be about an achievement in my life - and I deceided to write about being a Boy Scout. I just need someone to help me out and read it and tell me if it needs some work (this is just a draft and isn't complete)








For six years of my life I鈥檝e been labeled as a Boy Scout of America. Now that I鈥檓 approaching the ripe age of eighteen I鈥檒l legally be an adult and consequently will no longer be a member of the Boy Scouts. In some ways it鈥檚 kind of relieving. No longer will I awake with a splitting headache and a kink in my back from sleeping on the rock littered ground of eastern Mass, and my toes will have a much better chance of remaining attached now that frostbite isn鈥檛 an immediate danger to my extremities. My weekends are now free of camping related obligations and I won鈥檛 need to shower three times in a row to rid myself of the pungent smell of campfire smoke. Not to mention the mud and grass stains on my favorite jeans now will have a chance to come off.


Don鈥檛 get me wrong there was a lot of stuff I absolutely loved about being a scout, and there are a lot of things I鈥檓 going to miss. For one I went on a ton of trips and had junk load of adventures. I鈥檝e climbed Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire. That鈥檚 where I nearly fell and broke my leg. I鈥檝e been rafting down the Dead River in Maine where I saved my best friend鈥檚 little brother from drowning - twice. I have even done a bit of spelunking (that鈥檚 cave exploration for you non-adventurers out there) where I discovered I鈥檓 extremely claustrophobic. I鈥檝e been camping in all types of weather imaginable; rain, sleet, snow, tornados, and blizzards 鈥?basically any form of weather except for the type involving the sun.


For all my time and tribulations in the Boy Scouts I鈥檝e achieved the rank of Life Scout. It took me five years of being eaten alive by mosquitoes, two Scout Handbooks (one got ruined in a rainstorm), and countless bottles of calamine lotion for all the times I managed to get poison ivy, but in the end it was worth it. During that five year period I鈥檝e learned some invaluable skills. I can tie a square knot behind my back, I can pitch a tent blindfolded, and I can always find the best spot in the woods to use as a bathroom.


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;That's the better half





%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; This is the half I'm still working on


I鈥檝e learned some other things during my time as a scout; some lessons I鈥檒l remember for years to come. I鈥檝e learned that giving up is for suckers. Many times I鈥檝e come back from a weekend of camping and have wanted to announce my resignation from the troop but decided against it. The good always outweighed the bad as far as scouting was concerned and your shoes only stay soaking wet for a couple of days anyway. I鈥檝e learned that just because something is hard and unpleasant at times doesn鈥檛 mean you should quit. By sticking with scouts I鈥檝e made tons of friends who I鈥檇 never even have spoken too otherwise. I鈥檝e learned countless outdoor skills. I can speak in front of a crowd without a problem; I can handle issues between people and mitigate the situation. My leadership skills have been whittled to a point. I was the Senior Patrol Leader of the troop for a couple of years and single handedly ran a troop of unruly teenage kids without a hitch.


The badge I wear on the left breast pocket of my shirt signifies several things. It shows my dedication to an organization that could wear down even the toughest of kids and it represents the culmination of skills and memories I鈥檝e acquires in the six years I鈥檝e devoted to a group that taught me some of most important lessons anyone can ever learn.|||I would possibly put a comma after 'one' and replace 'junk' with something more mature and intellectual: "For one I went on a ton of trips and had junk load of adventures."


In my opinion 'junk' is too casual to be used in an essay for college.





Put a comma after 'Boy Scouts' in "For all my time and tribulations in the Boy Scouts I鈥檝e achieved the rank of Life Scout."





Change 'suckers'. That's something you would say to your friends and family, not a formal essay. "I鈥檝e learned that giving up is for suckers."





"The good always outweighed the bad as far as scouting was concerned and your shoes only stay soaking wet for a couple of days anyway." Possibly split this in to two sentences such as 'The good always outweighed the bad as far as scouting was concerned. Besides, shoes stay soaking wet for only a couple of days.' Also, don't use pronouns like 'you' or 'yours' or 'you're'. It's too informal for an essay like this.





"It shows my dedication to an organization that could wear down even the toughest of kids and it represents the culmination of skills and memories I鈥檝e acquires in the six years I鈥檝e devoted to a group that taught me some of most important lessons anyone can ever learn."


Put a comma after the first 'and'. Change 'acquires' to 'acquired'. Put 'has' after 'a group that'. Put 'the' before 'most important'. I think this sentence is too wordy. Try to edit the part after 'I've devoted'. Maybe take out 'to a group that taught me some of most important lessons anyone can ever learn.' and put 'that' before 'I've devoted'.





I think this essay is amazing! Other than those little things, this is really good. One more thing I would suggest is to try and use as few contractions (I've %26amp; I'll) as possible. My AP Lit teacher says that you shouldn't use in formal essays.





Keep in mind that this is a formal essay. You don't say things that you would say to your friends or family.





I hope I helped.


Good luck! =]