Your opinion on my writing style?

I know this passage was quickly put together, and there really is not a plot to it. But do you think the structure, punctuation, grammar, etc is pretty good :/? I'm fifteen by the way. Thanks! (:



The sound of the alarm clock suddenly buzzed in Tommy's ears. In an instant he opened his eyes, reached over to his nightstand, and slapped the OFF button. It was still pitch dark outside, but Tommy could feel the morning presence in the air. He continued lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Tommy wasn't tired. In fact, he didn't sleep all night. His mind was far too busy to possibly sleep. After all, it WAS the first day of High School tomorrow, and he dreaded this day would come. For somebody like Tommy, starting a new school year was a burden. He was always one of the misfits in his elementary and middle years, and he knew High School would be far more worse.

As the night lingered on, dozens of questions filled his mind. Would he fit in? Will he make a good impression on the first day? Will they bully him? He was afraid to know the answers to these questions, but at the same time he desperately wanted to know. "I'll just have to find out when I get there," Tommy told himself.

Rain was gently pouring on the window. It was another damp and foggy day in Maine, but that type of weather was typical year-round. Tommy knew he had to get out of bed, or he would miss the bus on his first day. It was already 6:00am, and school began at 6:35am. The bus ride itself was twenty minutes.

He honestly didn't know what to expect on his first day. He had a basic idea, but didn't like it at all.

If he wanted to survive, he thought, then he would have to survive the day--and the whole school year--all on his own. He was fifteen now, and the bullies were something that should be left behind. Who knows, maybe they wouldn't even bother him this year, "But it isn't that easy," Tommy thought. "I'm a short nerdy boy with red hair and glasses. I'm bound to be picked on by the popular kids..."Your opinion on my writing style?
*Never* start a story with an *I woke up* scenario -- everybody does it and it's *common* to use this literary crutch.



You also got very close to "...it was a dark and stormy night..." scene. Avoid that too.



Other than that you're doing nicely. Your dialogue is very palatable.Your opinion on my writing style?
It is actually pretty good, but capitalization examples; Off and Was...doesn't need to be in all caps. Oh and everything else is fine. Good luck with your story:)Your opinion on my writing style?
umm... well your style is good. I wouldn't use this idea as a story though, it's too cliche for a "nerdy" boy to start at a new school, it's all been done before. But i trust you probably knew that. I've got to say at some points you seem to be following rules strictly. It's ok to go off the rails with writing sometimes because there isn't any rules with writing. It's only a small piece so i can't judge fully. Maybe you could start writing your own full-length book and post a few parts on here, It would really help. you're grammar and everything is great though. But when you use capitals for "WAS" i hope you'll use italics when in microsoft word or whatever, but other than that you're doing well.